Movie Review

The Cave

It?s not like many people would expect much from a movie entitled The Cave. Armed with one of the most bland and generic titles of the year (it will have some competition in that regard once The Fog is released), The Cave is just that ? bland and generic. The movie plays by the same formula as Alien vs. Predator (C), which was supposed to be an eventful clash of the titans?err, beasts. Here, the beast, or beasts I should say, are underground in?yes, you guessed it ? a cave. A pack of divers are hired to explore this underground territory, but end up face to face with these gnarly creatures; and after their escape route caves in, they must fight for survival.

What an original concept; I love Hollywood. I didn?t see where this movie was going at any point of its running time ? especially when I saw the trailer; this was an intense potboiler. Oh wait, it?s the end of August, which means one thing: movies suck (but then again, movies often suck). And The Cave is no exception ? it is the absolute definition of an end of the summer flick.

Reviewing movies like The Cave has always seemed kind of pointless to me considering what you have to say about it is probably no different than countless other genre attempts you?ve been held hostage by. There are generic beasts we?ve seen before in other movies and they haunt the main characters, none of whom are the least bit interesting, and they tend to say lines like ?I don?t think we?re alone,? and end up under-estimating the power of these creatures, and some almost die if it weren?t for the convenient timing of their savior (and each character gets picked off one by one, creating a guessing game of who's gonna be next). And oh yes, who can forget the classic last-scene-formula, opening up sequel possibilities as if we can?t get enough.

Sometimes I wonder if filmmakers are really as dumb as they appear, or if it?s just the politics of Hollywood. There has got to be some rule that stupid horror flicks about beasts that can fly have to be made by desperate directors. But these movies cost a lot of money to make, which means they?re earning at least a decent amount of money warranting another edition (or sequel), and ?some? moviegoers out there are obviously liking them (or perhaps they don?t and the money they put forth simply leads the studios to make more of them).

But do filmmakers really think that moviegoers don?t know where the material is going at every corner (or that simply showing snarling creatures or a cave is creepy)? Granted, these movies are supposed to provide mindless entertainment for those who just want to kick back and relax, but it seems that every time I watch one of these flicks in theaters, moviegoers are still laughing at it. Movies like this can probably provide more entertainment under the heavy influence of alcohol and/or illegal substances than most comedies, but that?s not what they?re supposed to do. These movies are supposed to be eerie, and most of them end up being clich?-ridden, cheese-ball adventures.

I realize that good movies (of any genre) are very difficult to execute correctly in every faucet (from writing to directing to producing to acting), but for these so-called ?professionals? who are getting paid a lot of money, you would think a little more effort would be put forth. It?s just sad to think that most of the films of this genre that have worked (Aliens, Jaws, The Blair Witch Project) ? and in some cases, worked gangbusters (Alien, Predator, Jurassic Park), are of the past (and in many cases, a long time ago), and it makes one wonder how long we have to wait for even just a good one to arrive. When was the last time a new film really freaked you out, or made being in the dark take on a whole new meaning? Chances are, it wasn?t even of this decade.

The tagline for The Cave reads: ?There are places a man was never meant to go.? And yes, I would?ve guessed that the answer would be ?the cave,? no doubt, because caves really scare me; my alternative answer would?ve been ?movie theaters at the end of summer.?

Lee's Grade: C
Ranked #92 of 143 between Must Love Dogs (#91) and The Island (#93) for 2005 movies.

A	0.4%
B	30.0%
C	61.7%
D	8.0%
F	0.0%