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Pottergate: Box Office Scandal (humor)
By Jason K. Published February 4, 2002
Accounting irregularities sent shockwaves through the market.
In what investigative reporters are already labeling "Pottergate," producers of Harry Potter, the eighth largest movie in terms of domestic revenue, announced that they were revising previously stated box office results. Moviegoers and box office experts alike were shocked on hearing the news. Director Chris Columbus was not available for immediate comment although records show suspiciously heavy selling in his HSX account after Potter's opening weekend. Today's recent news marks the end of what was an otherwise excellent run at the box office.
Opening to more than $90 million in North American markets, Potter proved that no record was sacred. Despite the hype, it was clear that these numbers were not sustainable, yet Potter producers and marketing were pressured to keep the box office results up or be labeled as disappointments. All this would simply be a footnote in movie box office history if it were not for an untimely robbery. In addition to making off with stolen publicity cells, the thief or thieves managed to find thousands of shredded tickets. Tickets which were allegedly purchased by private partnerships, set up by Potter's producers, in order to inflate box office grosses. ERC, a leading box office auditor released a statement indicating it would launch its own internal investigation amongst rumors Potter's producers may have had influence over the company.
Leading box office experts had been surprised at the staggering numbers and the rapid decline. "After 90 million, the sky seemed the limit, but now that you mention it, things did seem a bit odd. If you just looked at the numbers you wouldn't notice, you had to look deeper. No wonder my predictions were so off that weekend," said a foremost box office columnist who declined to be named. He was not the only one to report on suspicious behavior relating to Harry Potter's box office and theater showings.
Another reportedly 'sold out' Harry Potter showing.
"The strangest things happened in theaters where the movie was playing," reported a 32-year-old house mom. "While taking my children to Harry Potter last weekend, I figured we would avoid the crowds, but sure enough it was sold out. We saw Snow Dogs instead, but I did sneak a glimpse into the theater playing Harry Potter and it looked as if all the seats were occupied with cardboard cutouts. It was dark though so I couldn't say for sure but then the ushers rushed in and asked for my ticket."
The Hollywood Security Exchange Commission noted that the recent scandal only underscored the need for future box office oversight. In what has become almost standard practice, studios routinely boost their estimates to garner the "Number One Movie In America" status if but for a day. The most recent allegation, however, represent the most egregious offenses yet. The biggest losers may be small investors who invested their entire portfolio in Potter stock winning big, only to see their huge gains in jeopardy.
MPAA investigators were spotted leaving the Warner Brothers studios with boxes of evidence.
The Motion Picture Association of America President Jack Valeti stated that the industry as a whole needed to crack down on "corrupt accounting practices." In regards to rumors Potter producers had given gifts to MPAA offficials, Valieti replied that "MPAA did receive free Harry Potter Posters, but they did not nor will those posters affect the outcome of the investigation - and yes they were autographed." Later in the news conference, Valeti failed to answer questions relating to his own relationship with Potter producers and allegations that his son is a really big Harry Potter fan.
Valeti's press secretary revealed that although Valeti's son had seen the movie 57 times, it was completely unrelated to the pending investigation.
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The above article is entirely fictional. Any actual individual or organization noted above was used only for the purpose of parody and neither agrees nor condones the opinions of the article.
Opening to more than $90 million in North American markets, Potter proved that no record was sacred. Despite the hype, it was clear that these numbers were not sustainable, yet Potter producers and marketing were pressured to keep the box office results up or be labeled as disappointments. All this would simply be a footnote in movie box office history if it were not for an untimely robbery. In addition to making off with stolen publicity cells, the thief or thieves managed to find thousands of shredded tickets. Tickets which were allegedly purchased by private partnerships, set up by Potter's producers, in order to inflate box office grosses. ERC, a leading box office auditor released a statement indicating it would launch its own internal investigation amongst rumors Potter's producers may have had influence over the company.
Leading box office experts had been surprised at the staggering numbers and the rapid decline. "After 90 million, the sky seemed the limit, but now that you mention it, things did seem a bit odd. If you just looked at the numbers you wouldn't notice, you had to look deeper. No wonder my predictions were so off that weekend," said a foremost box office columnist who declined to be named. He was not the only one to report on suspicious behavior relating to Harry Potter's box office and theater showings.
Another reportedly 'sold out' Harry Potter showing.
"The strangest things happened in theaters where the movie was playing," reported a 32-year-old house mom. "While taking my children to Harry Potter last weekend, I figured we would avoid the crowds, but sure enough it was sold out. We saw Snow Dogs instead, but I did sneak a glimpse into the theater playing Harry Potter and it looked as if all the seats were occupied with cardboard cutouts. It was dark though so I couldn't say for sure but then the ushers rushed in and asked for my ticket."
The Hollywood Security Exchange Commission noted that the recent scandal only underscored the need for future box office oversight. In what has become almost standard practice, studios routinely boost their estimates to garner the "Number One Movie In America" status if but for a day. The most recent allegation, however, represent the most egregious offenses yet. The biggest losers may be small investors who invested their entire portfolio in Potter stock winning big, only to see their huge gains in jeopardy.
MPAA investigators were spotted leaving the Warner Brothers studios with boxes of evidence.
The Motion Picture Association of America President Jack Valeti stated that the industry as a whole needed to crack down on "corrupt accounting practices." In regards to rumors Potter producers had given gifts to MPAA offficials, Valieti replied that "MPAA did receive free Harry Potter Posters, but they did not nor will those posters affect the outcome of the investigation - and yes they were autographed." Later in the news conference, Valeti failed to answer questions relating to his own relationship with Potter producers and allegations that his son is a really big Harry Potter fan.
Valeti's press secretary revealed that although Valeti's son had seen the movie 57 times, it was completely unrelated to the pending investigation.
-------
The above article is entirely fictional. Any actual individual or organization noted above was used only for the purpose of parody and neither agrees nor condones the opinions of the article.
