Movie Review

John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

I once said – in regards to the vaunted Wachowski siblings and their movie Jupiter Ascending – that if you wanted to make good films, it’s best to keep your dick. John Wick 3: Parabellum is the opposite end of this particular spectrum: There very well may be entirely too much dick on display. But this is a curious dick; it starts out sweet and inventive, but the deeper it goes, the more rancid and missionary it ends up being. In other words, it starts out hard and ends up limp.

Now despite this being one of the most monumentous cinematic events of the last 162 years, JW3 actually left me cold. Kind of like all the pretty neon lighting that rims every scene in a halogen bloodbath glow, it’s all sterile style with a serious lack of substance to give it the weight it desperately craves. It’s “all action,” yes, but that fact doesn’t make for a satisfying narrative movie experience.

Initial fight sequences may be inventive and brutal, but by the midsection it’s all the same impersonalized video game dreck; and you don’t even get to feel the connection of holding a controller and playing it. What I’m trying to say is, it’s like watching another person playing a bad video game. You might as well sip a 40-ounce, smoke a fat blunt, and watch your homie play Mortal Kombat 62 from the comfort of whomever’s couch.

Acting? You want to actually talk acting? It’s Keanu freaking Reeves in the lead. He’s known for bad acting and sometimes really good movies; this flick only has half of that equation. He sounds like a person who is – above all – constipated. Laurence Fishburne gets short-shrift in this piece; he’s only allowed to appear briefly, and at the end, they whip him back out for a non-surprising “surprise” final scene. 20 years ago, Laurence and Keanu were in a groundbreaking motion picture called The Matrix. Now they are in a movie together which apes the fighting style of that previous picture, but has zero of the intelligence, philosophy, panache, depth or likeability. It’s almost like they got old and don’t have the juice anymore…and that’s unfortunate. This ain’t even as good as The Matrix Revolutions. There’s also this short-haired, vaguely intimidating chick in the film who I guess is supposed to be like the substitute for Trinity. She shows up, looks dangerous, constantly makes threats to the main characters, but never seems to end up actually doing anything. Also Halle Berry shows up, sporting an obvious wig that is honestly just out of her age range. How could you not be thinking Catwoman when you’re watching this? Her big random action scene with Keanu is amongst the movie’s least engaging sequences. Didn’t need to be there.

Basically, this movie sucks, and critics giving it high praises all-around are – in fact – wrong. The fight scene with Keanu and a giant man in a library is quality violence; the rest of the flick is un-quality-everything (except cinematography). The storytelling is ham-handed, and in general this series just doesn’t need to exist. I’m glad Keanu has successfully made another trilogy to go along with The Matrix, as well as the long-awaited, upcoming third installment of the Bill and Ted franchise…But I think he should be picking better scripts. Just my opinion.

Scott's Grade: C

A	15.1%
B	59.2%
C	24.5%
D	1.2%
F	0.0%