Movie Review

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

When I saw the preview for this flick, it had me pretty gassed up with all the demonic imagery and promise of spiritual terror. I felt that it had a chance to score with me despite it's rip-offery of title and subject matter. I love the original Exorcist and other movies in that vein. But then before this film was released I heard the dreaded 2-letter/2-number combination that makes folks like me wanna wiz in the popcorn: PG-13 baby. After that I knew all hope was lost.

And shockingly enough, I was right. This movie is vanilla blandness right down to the bone. One critic has called it "the dullest exorcist movie ever made," and that sums it up rather precisely. This movie actually thinks it's gonna freak me out by having some chick contort into strange positions and scream at eardrum-busting decibel levels? Think again; there's not one effective scare in this thing (a trend we're seeing that is more disturbing than any actual material put into these "horror" flicks). Every single "scare" scene starts off with a worn-out setup, such as a lone female walking through a dark hall. But then, instead of even cheap jump moments, the scenes just peter out into nothingness, as if the filmmakers got bored and only decided to craft a third of a sequence. It really is quite embarrassing for people expecting some kind of thrill ride; they'll desperately want a jolt but will be left high and dry.

But you know what the filmmakers and high-minded critics will claim? The movie is more about an "exploration of faith" or some garbage like that. That's an euphemistic way of saying that they couldn't deliver quality genre-material and will thus disappoint their core audience. I'm all for earnest cinema and the examination of serious topics, but these elements are just a cloak to get this pseudo-exploitation material produced. The screenplay has that distinct "written by a high-schooler" ring to it; there are lines in here that you can picture the writer patting themselves on the back for as you languish in the theater wondering why you're so bored.

Beyond the dialogue, the characters are flat as well. The titular Emily (Jennifer Campbell) gets possessed by the Devil in her dorm room at college. She goes through a massive ordeal over the course of the film, and gets tortured body and soul for almost her entire screen time. One problem, though, is that she never gets introduced as an actual person we can relate to. We have no connection to her; she just comes off as a foil for priestly shenanigans. She's one of the most unworthy characters to have her name in the title that I've ever seen; if she can get a movie made out of her exorcism, you probably could too.

Then there's the male/female twin dynamos in the form of a very pious priest (Tom Wilkinson) and a woman defense attorney (Laura Linney) who is assigned to his case. You see, this movie is mostly a courtroom drama (whoopee!) in which the Father is on trial for contributing to the death of Emily. The State says that he killed the girl through his crazy exorcism; whether she was possessed at all is - strangely enough - called into question. So Linney gets to defend him even though she's an agnostic! She doesn't even believe! Very subtle writing going on here.

Laura Linney playing an attorney: what a career stretch. That's about as rare as Tom Wilkinson playing some over-praised part. Neither of these actors bring anything to their roles; the scenes they have together would feel at home in a CBS Movie-of-the-Week. Their impact is crucial to the movie's success, and it never hits. Even Campbell Scott is thrown away, reduced to letting his gray moustache do the acting for him as he mutters courtroom inanities.

Word to Hollyweird: Kill yourself! But before that, make sure no more PG-13 horror movies get made. Emily Rose is just another in a loooooooooong line of atrocious time-wasting flicks that have come out this year (and for many years previously). The worst part is, there's no reason to expect it will get any better. And there's no reason to see this movie.

Scott's Grade: C

A	15.1%
B	59.2%
C	24.5%
D	1.2%
F	0.0%