Movie Review

Land of the Lost

“Land of the Lost” is another in a long line of old TV shows lazily packaged into summer movies, too dumbed-down for fans of the original show and nothing all that memorable for those younger viewers coming into it for the first time. There is no doubt it will join the class (“Bewitched”-which Will Ferrell also was in, “Dukes of Hazard” and “Wild Wild West”) of films so bad that they make “The Brady Bunch Movie” look like the “Ben-Hur” of the genre. There is just zero reason to care about anything in this movie. Will Ferrell, you should have known better.

Ferrell plays Dr. Rick Marshall, a paleontologist disgraced by what others call his nonsensical theories about space-time vortexes. The only one who cares to believe him is Holly Cantrell (Anna Friel), a research assistant from one of those fancy British universities who encourages him to keep working on his tachyon thingie-majigger, a device that finds tachyon particles that somehow allow people to jump between worlds. They find the most amount of the stuff in a crappy little souvenir shop run by a redneck named Will (Danny McBride), and before they know it Marshall, Holly, and Will are traveling back to another dimension that’s all desert. The place is complete with T-Rex, creepy-crawly bugs, a bunch of things from our world littered about like a stretch limo, Bobs Big Boy and Golden Gate Bridge, and a primate named Chaka (Jorma Taccone) who befriends them and helps them navigate their way back to their dimension.

What needs to get lost is the screenplay by Chris Henchy and Dennis McNicholas. When Matt Lauer, playing himself, is the funniest thing in a movie, you know that something went horribly wrong. The laughs are childishly inane. Ferrell is forced to embarrass himself considerably, in one scene drenching himself in, and yes, even drinking dinosaur urine. Dino poop and gross insect infections also get high regard. Then you have Chaka, a supposedly lovable primate who’s big comic bit is molestation. Hilarious! And this is the big-laugh stuff. The rest is hard to even remember. That this movie manages any chuckles at all is due to Ferrell and McBride’s improvisation abilities. Ferrell is the arrogant goof-off and McBride the brash sidekick, but they’re facing an uphill battle with this screenplay.

And the plot…wait, what plot? And what character development for that matter? It’s all very basic, aimless, and easy to follow, except you’ll be too bored to do so. Characters run around like idiots, dinosaurs and insects chase after them, not much happens. And when not being chased, the aimlessness doesn’t stop, it just gets more persistent. A scene where Marshall, Will, and Chaka sit around in a stupor getting high off of some coconut drink (yes, this is a family movie) is unbelievably drawn out, unnecessary, and above all, pointless. Finally in the third act the Slestaks, reptilian villains bent on world domination, start to put their plan into effect but even then it’s too little too late to care. The special effects are cheesy. I’m assuming that was the plan because the show was the exact same way but what you can see at home for free and what your willing to pay for are two different things. A dinosaur against an obvious green screen isn’t much fun and little green reptilian men in obvious costumes and masks that barely move, other than to open and close their mouths, are hard to take seriously.

“Land of the Lost” is just lost, misguided in every way, starting with even deciding to make the movie in the first place. It deserves to be shunned and left to be the summer’s first big box-office bomb. Ferrell, McBride, and Matt Lauer are the only things that keep it from being horribly unwatchable but not from being one of the very worst of the summer and the year thus far.

Craig's Grade: D+

A	10.9%
B	41.8%
C	31.8%
D	15.3%
F	0.3%